What If Pests Visited a Theme Park?

What If Pests Visited a Theme Park?

For many kids in the U.S., it’s the beginning of the best time of year: summer vacation! This means longer days full of fun and freedom without a care in the world except for finding the best ways to occupy this abundance of free time. But people of all ages can experience this wonderful feeling in certain places even though most of us don’t have an extended break from responsibility. One such place is the classic theme park. There are so many great ones to choose from, with the larger ones offering more picturesque scenery and the smaller parks delivering that old-school summertime feeling with its smaller booths and rides. Summer is famously the busiest time of year for amusement parks, especially for the largest ones in California and Florida, and tons of people flock to the different parks for a day of fun in the sun and thrilling rides. 

But what if pests could visit these treasured manmade wonders? In the latest installment of our imagination-centered series, we came up with what we think these common pests would do to have the most fun in any theme park based on some familiar theme park stereotypes. This is not to say that theme parks have these pests; it’s just a fun imaginary idea of how these pests would spend their time there. You may know some of these common park-goers from your own theme park experiences, or maybe you relate a little too much with one of them! Whatever the case, we hope you enjoy this fun look into the fictional world where pests have the time of their lives in amusement parks just like us. 

The Foodie – Ants

Theme parks have some of the best comfort food of all time. And by “best,” we mean “not great for your health but great to have in this environment.” Many people enjoy the influx of fried food and sugar at these parks, as the thrill of the rollercoasters feels like enough to burn through the calories and make us hungry an hour later. Ants would definitely be the pest to go to a theme park mainly for the food. In real life, they are driven by the natural desire to feed their colony and queens, so they spend all day looking for the best food possible. They specifically crave sugar and protein, which both give them energy to search for more food. They would visit all kinds of food booths, wide-eyed and slowly gravitating to them like there is a magnetic force drawing them in. Ants wouldn’t be scared to try anything, and would visit their closest park enough times to know when a new item is released. But they could never resist a fresh corndog since those are best enjoyed surrounded by screaming ride-goers and children hopped up on sugar. Ants wouldn’t be opposed to enjoying sugar either; they would be the one eating off of one bag of cotton candy for the rest of the day. And if the theme park sells a combination of the two, like fried chocolate-sandwich cookies? The ants would be all over those like – well, ants. 

The Napper – Bed Bugs

Any theme park-frequenters who are either older or have small children understand the value of a midday nap after being at the amusement park all morning. There’s something magical about visiting the park when the sun is freshly risen and the air is still somewhat cool, since everyone seems to be in the best mood at this time. Bed bugs would be in favor of going back to the hotel and sleeping for an hour or two before heading back to the park for more fun. They are nocturnal in real life, hence why we get bitten in the middle of the night when we don’t see them, and sleep during the day. But this love for sleep (and attachment to beds) would definitely translate to the enjoyment of a nap after excessive excitement. Bed bugs would have their day completely planned out: line up outside the gates first thing in the morning, go on all of their favorite rides and eat a bunch of food all morning, go back to the hotel and crash for an hour-ish, then lace up their sneakers and head back out for an afternoon of even more fun. Their energy would definitely spike early in the day, but bed bugs wouldn’t let their tired nature ruin the anticipated family trip to their favorite theme park. 

The Photographer – Bees

This stereotypical guest has only become more popular with the advancement of cell phone cameras and social media. Most people take a few photos throughout the day of their delicious food or the scenic view with the giant roller coaster, but this person takes photos everywhere. They know the best backgrounds to take portraits in front of and the most well-lit times of day at different spots in the park. Bees would be this kind of park guest for a couple of reasons. One is that they quite literally stop and smell the roses (then pollinate them), so they are accustomed to pausing for a scenic break. They also find the best flowers to gather pollen and nectar from, and lead the workers from their colony to these abundant places so they can all gather as much as possible. Similarly, bees would excitedly point out to their party that this one spot in front of the funnel cake stand has the best view of the trees and tallest roller coaster behind it, which makes for the perfect profile photo. Bees would always be the best-dressed in the park and leave other park-goers wondering how they look so fashionable in such a hot and concrete-heavy environment. And you best believe that any food the bees purchase would look amazing on their social media feed, thanks to the beauty of filters and the dreamy colors of fresh cotton candy. 

The Couple – Carpenter Bees

Even though these insects are a type of bee, they are different from the previous bees. These pests don’t live in hives; they bore holes into wood and make little combs for their eggs to be placed into, and the father and mother leave nectar in each cell for the new bees when they hatch. It’s interesting to note that the father and mother stick together for the rest of their lives, which sadly end right around the time that the eggs hatch. This is why we think they would be that stereotypical couple at every amusement park. This isn’t any ordinary pairing that is just minding their business at the park; this couple is very clear due to their inability to spend even one moment not making physical contact in some way. They hold hands while walking throughout the park and are very close in every picture they ask their friends to take of them. Carpenter bees would definitely fulfill this stereotype without even trying. But the most obvious sign of this couple is when they’re in line for a ride. This is when they switch between hugging, prom-posing (hugging while standing stomach-to-back), and touching foreheads within the span of twenty minutes. The carpenter bees would embody this trope naturally and make any single people around them jealous of the fact that they have somebody to pass the time with in line for the water rafting ride. 

The Anti-Adrenaline Rush – Earwigs

Some people want nothing to do with roller coasters when they visit a theme park. The thrills of the speed and sudden drops are more terrifying than exciting, and that is completely understandable. This is why we think the earwig would fall into this category. This pest doesn’t invade in hordes, and you will usually only see one randomly scurrying across your bathroom floor one evening. Earwigs only come into our homes for the shelter and coolness, since they favor cool and damp areas. But their introverted nature and aversion to anything involving excitement or loud noises is enough reason to believe that they would also avoid roller coasters at all costs. Earwigs would be perfectly content to ride all of the slower-paced rides that are focused more on looking at scenes than on the speed of the ride. Any ride that is advertised to kids and older people is where you would find the earwig. They would much rather go on that one attraction centered around a beloved children’s character seven times than go on the main roller coaster once. The earwig would stand behind their ride choices, no matter how much fun their friends would poke at them, and would happily say, “I told you so” when the rollercoaster breaks down for the third time that week. 

The Night Owl – Fireflies

Nighttime at an amusement park, especially one of the major ones, is sometimes more fun than the daytime. It’s fun to walk around and see the flashing lights of various rides and booths while picking which outdoor ride to experience in the nighttime. Fireflies would definitely be in the crowd of people who prefer the evening hours, and would probably not even step foot in the park until about mid-afternoon, when most people start calling it a day. Real fireflies are nocturnal, which is why we see their picturesque lights in the warm summer nights. They are on the hunt for other nocturnal insects to eat, which may be surprising given their size. But fireflies at the theme park would hunt for a different kind of fun in the form of tall rides that would allow them to see the most of the park all lit up at night. Think of Splash Mountain at Disneyland; the views you get from the ride are incredible before you rapidly drop into the cold waters. Fireflies would have their fun right up until the characteristically-happy voice comes over the loudspeaker to announce the closing of the park for the day. But fireflies wouldn’t mind, since they know they’ll just come back the next day to ride their favorite rides and devour more churros after dinner as they enjoy the delicious food smells and sounds of excitement that fill the evening air.

The Walker – Millipedes

Walking around a theme park in the middle of summer is hard work, especially if the theme park is larger than normal. This is why it’s important to sacrifice style for comfort and wear your most comfortable walking shoes when you visit a theme park (if you want our advice). Some people like to get as many steps in as they can, and may even take the scenic route to the different attractions so they can experience more of the park and get the most exercise that they can. Millipedes would fall in line with this thinking, and would probably do laps around the park just for kicks. They have surprisingly less than 100 legs in real life, but they still have enough to look like a creepy toy when they crawl around. They are thankfully harmless to us, but that doesn’t mean they are something we want to look at in our homes. Millipedes would be the fast walkers leading their party around the park, the rest of their friends or family complaining the whole time about how they aren’t having fun flying by all of the attractions, only for the millipedes to coax them along by saying, “Just a little farther.” The millipedes would stop to ride their favorite rides, but then would continue on to speed walk and enjoy the scenery. They would also stop for a corndog once every couple of hours because they burn so many calories that they’re already famished by their third lap. 

The Roller Coaster Fiend – Mosquitoes

This is the opposite of the Anti-Adrenaline Rush. This park guest lives for the roller coasters in every theme park. They are the thrill-seekers that love the adrenaline rush and believe that the faster rides are automatically better. The pesky mosquito would definitely be in this group because they seem to love living dangerously every day. The female mosquitoes that bite us for protein for their eggs don’t care that we could squish them at any second. They also stick around bodies of water after they hatch, which is where so many of their natural predators reside. Mosquitoes would head straight for the most popular roller coaster first since they know the line will grow even more throughout the day. They also wouldn’t mind riding alone since they would make friends with whoever they sat next to anyway. And, of course, you would always find mosquitoes in the front row of the coaster. What better place to experience the most of the drops and the best views? Mosquitoes would never get tired of riding the same three roller coasters over and over again because the thrill is the same the tenth time as the first time for them. 

The Family Vacationer – Rats

Theme parks are a major draw for families of all ages because there’s something for everyone. There’s slower rides catered towards children, thrilling rides for teenagers and adults, and food for everyone! Rodents in general are a family-oriented pest, since all of the scavenging they do is to provide a nice nest and feast for their family. Rats can have several litters of babies in a year, which means that they will have a huge colony of rat children before they know it. If they went to an amusement park, rats would inevitably bring their entire family for a big family outing. They would definitely wear matching shirts, where each one is a rodent pun on the person’s name (Cheesy Chad, anyone?), so that they won’t lose each other in the park. They would also take a million family photos throughout the park, much to the mother’s delight and the children’s annoyance. The huge rat clan would start out the day by sticking together, but this predictably wouldn’t last long. The parents would just tell the children to have someone older with them at all times and call it good. When there’s that many people in the party, there will definitely be conflict of interest in the most important decisions, such as whether to ride the Ferris wheel or the spinning cups next. 

The Souvenir Connoisseur – Roaches

Theme parks have some of the most fun souvenirs money can buy. Where else can you purchase a set of mouse ears with the theme of your favorite superhero or animated movie? You could spend hours just looking through all of the different shirts, keychains, mugs, and photo frames all with the theme of the specific amusement park and its most famous attractions. Just like how some people dedicate time to scouring the selection for the best souvenirs, cockroaches spend their nights scavenging their environment for the best food and water that they can find. But this doesn’t mean that they’re picky, as roaches will eat literally anything they find, including actual garbage and waste. Because of this, they would be happy to dig through all of the racks of souvenirs for anything that stands out to them. They would go home with at least ten new souvenirs every time, as they can’t help themselves when they find a fun keychain or cartoon pen that they love. Sure, roaches would enjoy the rides and the delicious fried food like everyone else. But they would be most excited to visit the gift shop (or multiple gift shops) to see what’s new since the last time they were here. 

The Trivia Specialist – Termites

You would know if this person was in your amusement park group if you’re not the one filling that role. This is because the “all-knowing” person seems to know just about everything about every ride, character, food, and statistic about the park. They buy every trivia or fact book they find on their favorite theme park and are all-too-happy to share their knowledge with whoever is in their party or just standing in line near them. Termites would be the best pest candidate for this category. They live to work in real life and are completely dedicated to eating through wood and paper to make a home for their massive colony. So, of course, they would enjoy cramming as many park facts into their minds as possible before visiting the amusement park, like they’re studying for a test that no one is giving. The termites would impress their group with pointing out every little-known fact about the structure of the ride they’re going on, as well as why the name of it has changed five times in two years. This would be fun the first few times, but their friends would eventually start groaning when the termite excitedly announces, “Hey, did you know…”

The Ride-Repeater – Ticks

Everyone likes to go on their favorite rides more than once when they get the opportunity to visit the park, but this park-goer actively wants to repeat all of their favorites. They know what they like and don’t want to venture too much outside of that so they don’t miss out on experiencing their beloved attractions for the hundredth time. Ticks in real life also know what they like, even though it is definitely not what we like. They live on tall grass or thick shrubbery until a mammal passes by, then jumps onto them to begin sucking their blood for a few days until they are too full to continue. They will leave to digest for a few days, then repeat the process again. This is why they would only repeat all of their favorite rides while at the theme park and be perfectly content with that. Their friends would try to convince them to try a new ride, but the tick would either go on one of their favorites or be content to sit on a bench and watch their friends. Ticks are well-aware of the boundaries of their comfort zone, and wouldn’t venture outside of them. The same five rides would still be enjoyable for the tick on their fiftieth go-round, and they would have so much fun on them that they would inadvertently convince everyone else on the attraction that it should be their favorite too.

The Problem Solver – Pointe Pest Control 

Our speciality isn’t knowing everything about a theme park or finding the best photo spots; it’s treating every pest problem with the utmost care and expertise. Our experienced team is dedicated to providing the most effective treatments for your pest concerns in your home or business. Contact us today to find out how we can provide you with pest control that gives pests the rollercoaster ride of their lives, and not in a good way.

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