What If Pests Went Back to School?

What If Pests Went Back to School?

It’s back to school season! Some people love this time of year for the approaching autumn and the feeling of new beginnings in the air. Others dread this time, particularly students who would rather spend their time doing just about anything other than sitting at an uncomfortable desk in a classroom. Everyone has their own routine or approach for heading into the new school year, and these methods have gotten them through every new semester of different classes and an annoyingly higher quantity of homework compared to last year. Whether you or your children are headed into elementary school, junior high, high school, or college, we at Pointe wish you the best of luck in this school year!

But we know all about the routines and stereotypes of our back to school season. What if beings who have never stepped foot (or wing) in a classroom to actually learn were also going to school? In this installment of our imagination-centered series, we explore the possibility of pests going to school and what kind of students they would be at the start of the semester, when sleep schedules are rough and brain cells are firing on all cylinders.

The Snack Star – Ants

Everyone loves snacks, but some students really look forward to them as little pockets of joy throughout their school days. This kind of student is always prepared with a bag full of snacks to get them through the day. It is the most exciting part of their school shopping, and the college students have the bonus challenge of trying to keep their salty snacks within the tight budget that comes with being a university student. When we think of a snacker from the pest world, we think of ants. These strong-willed insects are constantly searching for food that will feed their colony, especially the queen. They will take just about any edible material back to their nest, demonstrating impressive teamwork as each ant helps to lift the heavy crumbs. Ants favor fats and sugars, and will even turn to other insect eggs when there is not a better option. But if they were students, they would grab any individually-packaged snack off the shelves. Ants would pack their lunches the night before to give enough time for their extensive process of examining their snack selection in the pantry, thinking about how many hours they will be on campus, and just throwing a handful of crinkly-wrapped snacks in their lunch bag so they have a variety to choose from when they’re hungry in math class tomorrow. 

The Student Athlete – Centipedes

Centipedes are one of those pests that look way scarier than they actually are. The 15 to 177 pairs of legs are straight out of an entomophobe’s nightmares, and their random crawling patterns are an eerie sight to behold. But centipedes can hardly see, so they use their antennae to hunt for their insect prey and seem to stagger along our floors as a result. These nocturnal pests are constantly hunting for food, which is usually some type of fly, worm, or spider. With their constant movement and voracious appetites, centipedes would definitely be student athletes every school year. No matter what sport they play, student athletes can feel like they live at school with how many hours they are there. Between the scheduled school day, workouts, practices, games, and tournaments, many have to get even less sleep than they already would in order to get their homework done. Centipedes would be the type of student athlete that thrives on this routine. They would go to school and socialize with their friend group, go to the daily sporting activity, and end the day with doing whatever homework they can before their heavy eyes tell them it’s time to sleep. With the number of legs and the amount of stamina they have, we can only assume that centipedes would be track and field athletes first, but also dabble in something like soccer or basketball where they build up those running muscles. 

The Super Organized – Honeybees

Some students are already organized in every area of their life, so their school life is naturally organized as a result. They start every new school year with a fresh planner, filled with the assignments and tests they know about already, as well as a different-colored notebook for each class. If honeybees could go to school, they would be some of the most organized students ever. Most bee species are eusocial, meaning they live in a colony and work as a team unit to serve their queen, but honeybees have even more of an involved system in place. They work to gather nectar and pollen every day that they then bring back to their hive and use to make honey, which also serves the colony. This whole process could not happen without organization and productivity; the different classes of honeybee workers and drones each have their designated tasks that serve the group. If they were students, honeybees would be prepared from the very beginning of the semester. They would be the rare students to actually utilize every section of their backpack, and would never be caught frantically searching for last night’s homework since it is perfectly neat in their fancy notebook with a front pocket. 

The Summer-Enjoyer – Fruit Flies

Some students don’t mind the beginning of the school year, since it is before classes get really tough and there is still warm weather to enjoy after the last bell rings. But for many, the end of summer vacation is the worst time of year because it signals the end of sleeping in, freely hanging out with friends, and not feeling like you live at a desk in order to finish all the homework. Because of this, they want to do as many fun things as possible before the alarm rings on the morning of the first day. Fruit flies can relate to wanting to do as much as possible in a short amount of time. They only live about 2 to 4 weeks, and some of that is spent as a helpless maggot. Fruit flies really only live to mate and eat decaying fruit and fermented matter, which is why they are so frustrating for gardeners and fruit-growers alike. If they went to school, fruit flies would make a summer bucket list to complete before the first day arrives. They would plan on spending lots of time at the pool or beach with their friends, getting a fun coffee drink every day, and binging the last season of that TV show they’ve spent all summer watching. They would do their best to finish everything on the list before the first day, but there would always be that one activity that the fruit fly would have to save for next summer when the summery vibes are back again.

The Supplies Seeker – Rats

Rats are such a frustrating pest, not only because they carry diseases and leave their droppings wherever they go, but also because they steal our food and smaller materials to make their nests. They will use fabric or paper in most instances, since tearing and chewing the cellulose makes it easier to mold into a nest. They are natural scavengers, surviving on whatever they can find and often living in literal garbage since it has the most to offer. While students do not typically associate their school supplies with garbage (though some would love the opportunity to throw their homework away), some eagerly hunt for the best school supplies every back to school season. This student looks forward to the day they go with their parent to the big box store with their school supply list in hand, and it is the biggest occasion besides the actual first day of school. Rats would love seeking out the best deals and the most exciting supplies. Even as they get older and the school supplies get less fun, the rat would make it fun by picking out notebooks with interesting designs and the pens that write so smoothly it feels like the paper is made of marble. These small things would bring joy to the rat’s school days, and it would be greatly beneficial to their friends as they would not hesitate to lend someone a pencil or a piece of paper from their aesthetically-pleasing notebook. 

The All-AP – Silverfish

If you or your children have taken even one AP (Advanced Placement) class in high school, you understand the level of homework and studying that is upped from the already tough standard. Each assignment, practice test, and timed write is all in preparation for the big test near the end of the school year, where passing could mean earning college credits before even knowing what you would major in yet. An unfortunate downside to this path is that it also comes with summer homework, which some students are more proactive about than others. Silverfish are also busy beings, but their days look a little differently. They like to stay in damp areas that have plenty of cellulose-based food, especially paper, books, wallpaper, and clothing. They are not the most destructive pests ever, but they do leave a lot of annoying holes in anything they eat. If they were going to school, silverfish seem to have the work ethic to be an all-AP student. They would already be slammed with due dates and assignments, but they would be used to this every school year and would have the work ethic to get it done. They would have their textbooks with them at all times, always trying to stay afloat amidst the constant stress of classes and the looming test dates. 

The Wait-and-See – Spiders

Some spider species are active hunters that go out and catch their prey in startling ways, like the jumping spider. But most of the spiders we know are patiently waiting in their carefully-crafted spiderwebs, waiting for their prey to inevitably get trapped in the sticky strands. They can stay there as long as they need to, since they know that food will come if the spiderweb is in an optimal spot. This is also how they avoid being eaten or squished by predators, since they are experts at waiting for a safe opening to venture out into the world. If they were students, spiders would be that one person that was in every class who only showed up with a pencil and maybe a notebook. They would not buy any school supplies before the first day of school because the spider would know that the required materials would be listed during the day. The spider would still be engaged and ready for the day, but they would not stress themselves out trying to buy every possible supply before they even meet their teachers. Plus, their pencil and notebook would be put to use by having a very cut-and-dry list of the supplies the spider would need, like “red pens” and “erasers.” Somehow, spiders would end up being the most prepared later on when they come to school fully prepared with their new supplies. 

The Planner – Termites

This is the complete inverse of the previous kind of student. This one is all about planning and preparation, and needs to have everything mapped out beforehand to feel good about the week. Their actual planner is the centerpiece to their school year, and there is not an assignment or test that will catch this student off guard. Termites are also great planners, but not for anything we want them to plan for. Each termite colony, which can number in the tens of thousands, is compromised of different classes. The workers gather food, expand the tunnels in their home wood, and build mud tubes to protect said tunnels. The soldiers protect the colony and guard every entrance from intruding insects. They all work together to maintain the colony and expand their tunnels, all of which requires planning and organization. Termites as students would be the same way, minus the tunneling. They would memorize their class schedule ahead of the first day, but would keep a copy in their binder just in case. They would write down every assignment in their planner using fun pens, and they would be the designated leader of group projects every time. And you better believe that the termites would have their outfit for the next school day picked out the night before, just so they’re ready to go as soon as that alarm goes off.

The Problem Solver – Pest Control

You could consider the extensive training that pest control technicians complete as their “back to school” time, but we’re mainly talking about the treatments that solve pest problems here. With the busyness of students adapting to their new weekly schedule and parents once again adjusting to days of packed schedules and lots of time in the car, there is no time to deal with a pest infestation. But they are still pretty common this time of year, as insects and rodents naturally prepare for the upcoming cool weather and begin to find their overwintering homes. Our team of experienced technicians know all about these patterns and habits, and we are ready to prevent your home or business from turning into an autumnal pest sanctuary. Contact us for more information on our EPA-approved treatments and how we can solve your pest problems, like students solving their homework problems every day for the next several months.