What If Pests Attended a Baseball Game?

What If Pests Attended a Baseball Game?

Every season has its most prominent sport that captivates causal and super fans alike. Even though the start of the season is technically in spring, summer seems to consistently be the most popular time of year to go to a baseball game. Whether it’s a professional event or your nephew’s Little League game, baseball games are fun because they are as exciting as you want to make it. It’s exciting to witness a close game that is finally won due to an error in the field, but it’s also nice to just hang out and cheer when one team hits the ball out of the infield. 

Baseball games are also some of the favorite events of insects, but not for any kind of fun reason. A large group of people sitting in one area, radiating heat from the high temperatures, and dropping crumbs of their ballpark snacks attract all kinds of pests. This is one of the pitfalls of attending a baseball game in person, especially when the bug spray you finally remembered to bring along doesn’t seem to be working at all. But what if the insects that normally pester us were actually at the ballpark to watch the game? This is the question we pose as we take yet another imaginary journey into a world where pests can participate in our activities and have fun just like us! 

The Tagalong – Carpenter Bees

When carpenter bees aren’t busy boring holes through the wood of our homes and fences, they’re pretty harmless. These massive bees are the definition of “gentle giants,” as they won’t sting someone unless they have absolutely no other choice. They would much rather stay in their holes and only emerge to gather nectar and simultaneously pollinate the flowers. Because of this docile behavior, carpenter bees would be the ones that don’t take an interest in baseball until their friends invite them to a game on their day off from work. The carpenter bee would be more excited about the ballpark food and hanging out with their friends than to actually watch the game. And when they do focus on the current at-bat, the carpenter bee would pepper their friends with questions about the players and the game in general, especially “what-if” scenarios (“what if the ball directly hits the foul line?”). Carpenter bees wouldn’t “bee” the biggest baseball fans, but one thing is for sure: there’s nowhere else they would rather be than with their close friends.

The Snacker – Ants

Even if you don’t have an interest in baseball itself, it’s impossible to resist the delicious carb-fest that is ballpark food. There are so many options for meals, snacks, and desserts that were not available back in the day, making for some tough decisions during the game. Major league ballparks often have specialities that are must-tries according to the season ticket holders: crab sandwiches in San Francisco, specialty poutine in Toronto, and even toasted grasshoppers in Washington! But there’s nothing wrong with a classic hot dog or plastic souvenir helmet filled with nachos. Enter the ant: baseball’s biggest foodie. They would be the fan who leaves their seat after every inning to see what other delicacies await. Ants would enjoy baseball and be invested in the game, but they would be multitasking by thinking about their next snack target. And, of course, they could never attend a game without getting those famous peanuts and Cracker Jacks that are always referenced in the middle of the seventh inning.

The Souvenir-Seeker – Roaches

Roaches are the scavengers of the pest world, which makes them sound more fun than they actually are. They are constantly on the hunt for food sources, which is pretty much anything in the world. Roaches are one of the sneaky-dangerous pests since they walk all over their gross food and homes, which often involve some kind of garbage or waste, and carry that bacteria to every new area afterwards. Salmonella and staphylococcus are often associated with these insects as a result, neither of which are anything we want to experience. If they could attend a baseball game in a normal fashion, roaches would definitely make a beeline for the team store. Their friends would know to just meet them outside later since roaches would take their sweet time looking at everything in the store. Jerseys, keychains, magnets, bottle openers, posters, stuffed animals – whatever it is, the roach would need time to seriously think about their purchases and how much they could fit in their souvenir tote bag to checkout. And if there’s a clearance rack? You wouldn’t see the roach until the end of the first inning, at least. 

The Statistician – Spiders

The average baseball fan knows just enough about current statistics to see if their team has a chance of eventually making playoffs and the approximate batting average of their favorite player. But some people dedicate time to learning the stats of multiple teams and players, whether or not they actually like them. These fans are pros with numbers and are ready to rattle off their knowledge the second someone shows any interest. This would be the spider, the most observant and patient of the pest community. They are so successful with catching prey not only because of their intricate web work, but also because they naturally know the importance of waiting. We often see spiders just sitting in their webs or the corners of our living rooms because they are observing the potential prey in the area. If they could watch a baseball game, spiders would watch every at-bat and play with an observant eye, often taking notes and adding to their stats log to analyze later when looking at the current standings of the leagues. 

The Fantasy Fiend – Silverfish

Silverfish are such a strange pest. They like to stay in secluded areas to feed on starches and protein found in the food and materials of our houses, but they need plenty of humidity and moisture to even survive. They also look like small shiny prawns, but that’s besides the point. Silverfish don’t invade every day, since they are only attracted to humid areas with a reliable food source in things like paper, glue, and flour. Since one of their favorite foods annoyingly seems to be our books, they seem like they would be the baseball fan that is constantly thinking about their fantasy teams. For those who don’t know, fantasy baseball teams are randomly drafted teams that can be altered daily by people who participate in these leagues and try to win the most games against their friends in the same fantasy league. Silverfish would have at least five different teams at once, but somehow keep track of every one. Silverfish would comment to their friends about how each at-bat affected their standings, whether they were interested or not. And with the silverfish’s luck, the player who hit a walk-off homerun was not in their fantasy starting roster that day.

The Casual Fan – Rats

Casual baseball fans are some of the most fun people to go to a game with. They know the rules and the traditions of the ballpark, but they’re not overly invested in the outcome of the game. These are the fans that go to a game when they have a free day, but they don’t watch baseball every single day. Even though we shudder at the thought of having a rat infestation, they are not the most high-strung pests ever. Both rats and mice just want a secure nesting site with access to plenty of food (which can also include literal garbage) and water for their rapidly-growing families. They are often seen just scurrying around, chewing through walls or boxes to get to the good stuff. Rats would be such a casual baseball fan that they wouldn’t have one specific team that they root for. They would just be excited to go to a game and would be excited for every outstanding play and smashed homerun, regardless of who achieves these feats. They would also be somewhat of a foodie and look forward to their ballpark meal all week, but it would always be something simple like a hot dog with ketchup or a soft pretzel. Out of the big group that the rat would go with, they would be the most laidback of them all. 

The Cheerleader – Crickets

Crickets are easily forgotten until they start making that famous chirping sound that is referenced in movies, cartoons, and books to this day. This sound is actually only done by male crickets rubbing their wings together, and they only do it in relation to the mating process. We hear the same chirping sound every day, but there are actually different tones and variations that crickets use to signal what stage of the mating process they are in. If crickets could go to a baseball game, they would be the loudest and most enthusiastic fans in the park. They would participate in every cheer that plays over the speakers, and would even start some of their own. When the energy seems low, the crickets would try multiple times to get The Wave going around the park, and its eventual success would be the highlight of their month. And when “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” begins to play over the speakers, the crickets would put their arms around their friends and lead them in a swaying movement, singing the lyrics at the top of their lungs when everyone else is comfortable with singing in a normal tone of voice. 

The Foul-Ball-Wisher – Mosquitoes

Most attendees of a baseball game would be excited to get a foul ball, but some fans truly hope for it every time. They bring their own glove to be prepared, even if they’re up in the “nosebleed” seats in the third level. And if they are lucky enough to get a foul ball, you can bet your bottom dollar that they’re bringing it to get autographed by their favorite player at the next game. Mosquitoes are also eager to participate in something, but it’s not the sort of activity that we enjoy. Most mosquitoes actually stick to drinking nectar from flowers, so female mosquitoes that need protein for their eggs are the ones that leave us with those itchy welts. They are most active when it’s hot outside, since our sweat and increased breathing rate attracts mosquitoes from near and far. Just like how they know what they want now, mosquitoes would have a clear goal if they visited the ballpark. They would show up early to watch batting practice and tense up at every crack of the bat, hoping for a chance at catching a ball with the famous MLB logo on it. 

The First-to-Leave – Bed Bugs

Bed bugs are a fear of many people, and for good reason. There’s nothing like sleeping peacefully through the night, only to wake up with a bunch of red bites that were definitely not there before. Bed bugs are obviously nocturnal and experts at hitchhiking on clothes or bags to a new location with fresh blood. They can stay in the same location for a long time, especially after they lay a bunch of eggs, but they also don’t have a problem with leaving at a moment’s notice for hopefully a better place. This would translate into their ballpark experience, where they would consistently leave at the top of the ninth inning to “miss traffic.” It wouldn’t matter if their favorite team was winning or losing, or even if it was a tied game: the bed bug would want to leave long before the mass exodus at the end of the game. Their kids would complain that they’re missing the last part and won’t know what happens, to which the bed bugs would hand over their phone and tell the young baseball fans to watch the rest of game on the ride home. 

The Mood Swing – Wasps

This is the baseball fan that takes every win and loss extremely personal, to the point where it affects their mood post-game. They are on cloud nine if their team wins, but they are either silently or vocally upset if their team doesn’t pull it off. The friends that attended the game with this fan are ready for the post-game meal at the local brewery to be impacted by the results of the game. If a wasp was at a baseball game for more than stinging anyone who accidentally disturbed their nest, they would be this kind of fan. Wasps are very temperamental and can be quite aggressive if they feel that their home or colony is threatened. They are also affected by outside factors, such as hot weather and wind. Because of this, they would definitely take their favorite team’s wins and losses a little too personally, but that’s just because they would be fully committed to this para-social “colony.”

The Home Run – Pest Control

Summer is not only the prime time for baseball, it’s also the most active time for all kinds of pests. This is because the hot temperatures naturally make insects more energetic and cause them to reproduce faster, which is why many of the baseball games we attend are also plagued with flying pests that didn’t even have the courtesy to buy a ticket! Thankfully, pest control services are in full swing to provide treatments and inspections that solve all of those pest problems. Contact our all-star team to learn more about how we can knock your pest problems out of the park!