What If Pests Had a Favorite Fourth of July Food?

What If Pests Had a Favorite Fourth of July Food?

Happy Fourth of July from Pointe Pest Control! We hope you have a great holiday filled with lots of good food and fun times with friends and family. There are many traditions that make the Fourth of July an entertaining holiday that many of us look forward to every year. Fireworks are likely the first thing that comes to mind with this holiday, and parades, beach trips, sparklers, and pool parties are not far behind. But the arguably best part of this patriotic day is, of course, the delicious food that often revolves around the use of the old reliable barbecue. In the middle of a season filled with grilled dinners and outdoor eating, the dinner on Fourth of July always seems to taste even better, probably because it’s surrounded by good company and followed by spectacular fireworks. 

Pests on the Fourth are never a good time, since nothing puts a damper on the party like constantly batting away flies or driving ants away from the table full of food. This is why it’s important to have pest control services before hosting a party if possible, and to make sure you have all of the proper pest precautions in place. But this is the reality of pests. Let’s talk about the fun fantasy of a world where pests can actually enjoy our food without constantly bothering us for it! The next installment in our imagination series poses the pressing question on everyone’s mind this Fourth of July: what if pests had a favorite Fourth of July food? Let’s find out!

Baked Beans – Rats

Baked beans are an underrated classic in the world of barbecue side dishes. They never miss and provide that sweet yet smoky flavor that is quintessential to the dining experience, when the dish is flavored correctly. They can be as simple as beans in a sauce, or as complex as a full meal in itself with chunks of meat and onions. This is precisely why they would be the favorite of rats. Rats look for sustenance that has protein, and certain kinds of meat are sometimes used as bait for their traps. They will eat most natural foods, and even many unnatural, so they would love the fact that baked beans can differ every time they’re served. The baked beans with delectable hunks of roast or bacon would be their favorite, as it is with most people. Rats would try their hand (paw?) at making baked beans on their own, but it wouldn’t be the same as the beans that their culinarily-gifted friend would serve every Fourth. Probably because the rats would throw in random ingredients, like cheese or berries, that don’t belong just for the sake of using up their food stash. 

Backyard Burger – Mosquitoes

Mosquitoes are a frequent visitor of Fourth of July parties, but they are never invited. It seems like they get a kick out of biting everyone and leaving them with the parting gift of itchy red bumps that last long after the party is over. Mosquitoes lay their eggs in standing water and live there for the first stages of their life, so anything as big as a pond or as small as a plant drainage tray is in danger of hosting a mosquito family. Based on their varied diet of plant nectar or mammal blood, mosquitoes would be big fans of the backyard burger. This is a much different burger than a restaurant’s, as it is often smaller in circumference but taller and seasoned simply with whatever spices your uncle (the grill master) finds in the kitchen cabinet. The protein would be irresistible to the mosquitoes, since that is their main attraction. The toppings bar would make the experience even better, as mosquitoes in real life have their choice of all kinds of people’s blood. Mosquitoes don’t seem like they would be picky, so they would probably pile on the toppings: mayo, mustard, ketchup, tomatoes, pickles, onions, and lettuce. And you can bet that their response to their host’s question of who wants cheese will always be a resounding, “Yes please!” 

Chips and Dip – Roaches

One of the best parts of a Fourth of July party is stuffing yourself with all of the appetizers and snacks before the grill is even fired up. Some gatherings are fancier with appetizers like bruschetta or jalapeño poppers, but most are just fine with a variety of chips and dips. In addition to the unlimited flavor combinations, this is much easier to eat by the pool or lake than heartier snacks. One pest that thrives on variety is the cockroach; there is nothing that these creatures won’t eat, besides roach poison (frustratingly). They will eat anything from cardboard to fruit to glue to literal waste. This is why a roach infestation is so difficult to end; they have all of the food they could ever dream of in one spot! This is why roaches would be found at the snack table at all times, since they would be having the time of their lives trying all of the chips and dips. The classics like potato chips and onion dip and tortilla chips and salsa are always great, but the roach would also enjoy the earthy guacamole chips and weirdly-sweet cottage cheese dip that most party-goers wouldn’t dare to go near. 

Coleslaw – Earwigs

Earwigs are a forgettable pest until they randomly show up in your bathroom or hallway. This isn’t an unwarranted insult; earwigs are so anti-social that they would prefer we forgot that they existed. Thankfully, they don’t actually crawl in our ears on purpose, since their preferred food source is dying organic matter from insects or plants. Earwigs are nocturnal and prefer cold, damp places to live while they search for more food. This is why they would love coleslaw at Fourth of July parties. Coleslaw is a polarizing side dish at any barbecue party or fried chicken restaurant, since you either love it or hate it. The combination of cabbage and various veggies with a mayonnaise-based sauce seems to be right up the earwig’s alley. It’s not decaying matter, but it is cold and damp, perfect for their preferred environment. While other guests would be avoiding this dish in favor of the other sides, the earwigs would pile it on their plate to the point where they have to carry it with two hands to be sure that they won’t lose any delicious coleslaw. They would also like to mix it with their other selections, but coleslaw on top of a hot dog would always be their favorite. 

Corn on the Cob – Termites

Who wants to eat a vegetable on the Fourth of July? This is why the only vegetable or “healthier” option at the party is often a simple salad and corn on the cob. It is a versatile cooking option, as the cobs can be thrown on the grill at any stage in the barbecue process to give them that wonderful smoky flavor. While this is a relatively crowd-pleasing dish, it does require a level of work and commitment that some guests understandably don’t want to go through just for the sake of corn. But termites would be up to the challenge! They are a hardworking colony in real life, which isn’t a great thing considering the fact that they use their perseverance to eat through the wood that holds our homes together. The colony is broken up into classes, and swarmers and workers have different jobs that keep the whole group alive. They would love corn on the cob for its simplicity and humility as a staple of backyard cookouts, and wouldn’t be afraid to dig into this dish. They would love the smoky flavor from the grill, especially if any kind of wood chips were used, and would probably go through two or three cobs before they were satisfied. 

Hot Dog – Bed Bugs

Bed bugs are one of, if not the most, dreaded common pest. They are nearly impossible to get rid of without professional treatment, and the bites they leave behind are frustrating as well. They can also enter a home through a myriad of ways, as they will latch onto clothing, suitcases, and bags. Due to their apparent love of protein, since they enjoy our blood in real life, bed bugs would definitely love hot dogs. This is the standard classic at Fourth of July barbecues, as it is a favorite of kids and adults alike. The toppings selection would be the bed bugs’ favorite part, as they would love customizing their hot dogs to the best of their culinary ability. Since they love feasting on a variety of people in reality, they would really enjoy picking every topping option at this party. Once they have their hot dogs loaded with ketchup, mustard, relish, onions, jalapeños, and cheese, the bed bugs would pick the shadiest spot of the yard to enjoy their feast in peace. And if they decide to burn some calories by playing sharks and minnows in the pool, they would start the assembly process all over again with a fresh plate. 

Ice Cream – Bees

Bees are a beneficial pest, meaning that they do a great service by pollinating our plants and making delicious honey, but they can quickly become a pest when their hive is too close to our homes for comfort. They don’t seek us out just for the sake of stinging us, since they would prefer not to unless they’re directly attacked. And since they favor pollen and nectar, it can only be assumed that they enjoy sweet flavors more than anything else. If they could attend a Fourth of July party, they would definitely be thinking about the ice cream bar that’s coming later on. Bees wouldn’t be picky about the type of ice cream that’s being served. Vanilla, chocolate, rocky road, butter pecan, Neapolitan – it’s all delicious to the bee. They would drizzle chocolate sauce and caramel over the mound of ice cream so they don’t have to choose between the two, and would savor every drop of the sweet treat. They also wouldn’t say no to sprinkles, since the colors would remind them of their favorite flowers. And if the host is skilled enough to make homemade ice cream with the perfect amount of sweetness? They would easily become the bee’s favorite person, hands down. 

Lemonade – Wasps

One unsung hero of Fourth of July parties is the cold beverage. Nothing says a party like a sugary or carbonated drink that pairs well with the barbecue feast that’s coming in a couple of hours. Arguably one of the best beverages for this occasion is lemonade; the sugary tartness is a great addition to a hot day filled with conversation and activity. Store-bought lemonade is always a good idea, but nothing beats homemade lemonade served in a party cup. The party guest who would enjoy this the most would be the wasp. Many wasp species enjoy honeydew and nectar, while others prefer the more predatory route of eating other insects. They are much more aggressive than bees, as even stepping foot near their hive often warrants some painful stings that don’t seem to end. They would love lemonade because of both their personality and diet. The sweetness would appeal to their sweet tooth, while any tartness would match their sour attitude towards people they don’t know. Wasps would actually prefer it if the lemonade was even more sour, but they settle for the typical mixture since no one else would enjoy it as much as they would.  

Macaroni and Cheese – Spiders

Spiders are another beneficial pest that help out by eating all kinds of annoying insects, but they become a problem for us when they choose to hang out (literally) in our homes. It doesn’t help matters if the spider in question is venomous, since that’s something else to worry about. But for the most part, spiders tend to keep to themselves and stick to what they know and love. At a Fourth of July barbecue, they would definitely enjoy the glorious side dish that is macaroni and cheese. This isn’t at every party, but the best barbecues have all of the hearty and delicious homemade sides that pair well with the grilled meats. Spiders would always spend time in the shade and moving as little as possible in the heat, so the heaviness of the meal wouldn’t bother them at all. Everyone has their own take on homemade mac & cheese, and the spider wouldn’t be picky with what is being served. Breadcrumbs, bacon, different types of cheeses, hot sauce, paprika…it doesn’t make a difference to the spider. They would just be happy that their reliable classic is being served once again, and would be sure to have at least two servings of this delicious treat. Plus, the cheese pull is faintly reminiscent of their own webs, which may make them biased, but who cares?

Potato Salad – Flies

Potato salad and its variants are another polarizing category of party food. The idea of cold potatoes in some kind of creamy mixture is delicious to some and disgusting to others, so it really depends on the person. Spices do help the matter, but it’s not enough if you already don’t like the base dish. The pest most likely to enjoy potato salad every time? The fly, of course! There’s already a saying involving flies and this dish (“like a fly on potato salad”), so they would definitely be the frequenters of this dish. Flies also enjoy just about any food substance under the sun, especially garbage and waste, which is why an infestation is not something you ever want near your home. The amount of germs and bacteria they carry based on their diets is enough to make anyone shudder in fear. A less shudder-evoking choice of theirs would be potato salad, and they would not be picky with the ingredients at all. Throw in some dill, celery seed, relish, cilantro, pickles – the fly doesn’t care! When their younger cousins are in the buffet line and turning their nose up at the potato salad, the fly would excitedly declare, “More for me!” before dishing it up with the biggest serving spoon ever. 

S’Mores – Ants

Ants are already a frequenter of many Fourth of July parties, as they can’t resist all of the glorious food offerings that are prominently displayed on every countertop and big table. It seems impossible to do much for an ant infestation in the moment besides brushing the ants off the table, since the food will still attract them anyway. Keeping the food bowls and serving dishes covered as much as possible will greatly help matters, as well as throwing away all trash and empty plates frequently. One food that can’t really be covered, especially because it will be gone before anyone can even get a plastic bag ready, is the delightful s’more. Any backyard or lake parties that are fortunate enough to have a fire pit of some kind is sure to boast a wide selection of s’mores for guests of all ages. Ants would look forward to this event all day, since anything sticky and sweet would be calling their name. They would probably burn the marshmallow on accident while daydreaming about how great it’ll taste, but they would still eat it sandwiched between graham crackers and a little too much chocolate. Ants would have about 3 or 4 before they decide that they should probably stop before the fireworks. 

Pest Control Will Have Pests Seeing Stars 

As fun as it is to host lots of people for a big Fourth of July celebration, the enjoyment factor definitely takes a hit when pests show up to the party uninvited. Even though pest control services typically aren’t open on the Fourth, it is so helpful to receive treatments beforehand. Our experienced pest control technicians know what to look for and where to focus the treatments based on your specific backyard layout and pest problems. Contact our team to find out more about our services and how we can make sure that the only pests you have on Fourth of July are little kids asking for just one more serving of homemade ice cream.